Author: johnny  <1341>    69.133.81.161 Use this link if you want to link to this message and its entire thread of discussion. Post a Msg
Date: 8/17/2011 6:07:14 PM
Subject: RE: fuck yeah!

Now THIS was a quarter life crisis message from 18 months ago today. Oh god - all this vodka and reflecting on my life has made me wonder if there's some sort of deep problem I have where I only seek out disasterous relationships with women I can never be with knowing I won't have to deal with the fear of commitment if I do. Nope. I choose to believe it's because my life is a Lifetime movie instead.

GOODBYE MESSAGE FROM PREVIOUS EXPLOSIVE RELATIONSHIP

"I'm sorry I'm an addict and as much as I tell u I've hit my bottom I don't expect or have any basis for u let alone anyone to believe me. I didn't sleep with jimmy or anyone else, not even a chick u fuckin pervert ;), the ONLY time I've cheated on jimmy is wen I've been drunk off my ass wasted from drinking NEVER on drugs. Wait, cept 4 u tho...u were the first n only one I've ever slept eith n liked it. Hmmmmm. Anyways, wanting ta get high n continuing ta do it will kill me. Its so retarded how much I know about addiction yet how much I refuse ta surrender n make recovery number one. If u ever get one chance in ur life ta go ta a few alanon mtgs even tho u won't be with an addict ever again, plz go. I guarantee u on tha fact that earls tha gut from avatar, that u will
learn that wen I'm using or have used its not heartless, unloving, or tha worst thing I could ever do. I PROMISE u that its a disease, just lke cancer, diabetes, or any other disease. Once I'm using again, I DO NOT have a choice. Just like any other disease - its my choice ta do tha things I need ta do ta get btr. I know it hurts. I've lived tha same hurt with addicts in my life for 31 yrs. But I'm not gunna die. Cuz I'm gunna do wat I need ta do ta become recovered in my disease, continue on in my life n same choices b4 I ended up here again, n yes, the act of God was getting me n here b4 it was 2 late 4 me. My disease is NOT my fault, my recovery is my responsibility. I'll always love u n I'm so proud of u 4 the house, ur career, n respecting urself enuf 2 know wen I'm not putting my recovery n meetings first that u can't be treated tha way I treat u. I'm here, safe, understand fully this is life or death, and have ta learn ta start forgiving myself"