Author: Simulacrum  <nub>    66.140.106.15 Use this link if you want to link to this message and its entire thread of discussion. Post a Msg
Date: 10/21/2011 6:31:59 AM
Subject: Siri can rot in my toilet bowl

More Scotty "computah?" gimmickry for the Facebook unwashed.

Now on to more important things.

Orcs Must Die! is the only game anyone needs right now. This may be the best orc-centric game ever made. Certainly Space Marine has made great strides in this area, but it focuses on "orks," a futuristic perversion of your proper medieval fantasy horn-helmeted brute. This is not to say that WH40K's orks are not generally faithful to orc culture, but they disappear about 3/4 of the way into the game, leaving you with the boring Chaos troops who never say anything interesting like "SPACE MARINE!" or "Kill the Space Marine!" or "Let's kill us some hoomies!" Also, you don't get to play on the ork side, so you never get to experiment with their superior ork technology.

Orcs Must Die! does not let you play as an orc, but the supply of proper medieval fantasy orcs never runs short. According to my Steam achievements, I have killed over 10,000 of them and the game is only 1/3 finished. (Full disclosure: I have gone back and repeated levels several times to get five skulls per level, and apparently the game counts those additional orc kills.)

Also, Orcs Must Die! makes you a better person, and it costs only $15. That's a lot of value.

So let's review:

1. OMD has better orc content than SM.
2. OMD has more orc content than SM or any game I can think of.
3. OMD improves your life in ways I can't explain in the short space I have here.
4. OMD is pure value.

If you don't have Orcs Must Die!, I can only assume that your mother dressed you up in Victorian pinafores and made you feed bon bons to her fat little dog until social services intervened during your senior year in high school, though whether you actually attended high school in this abusive situation is entirely speculative and (let's face it) not very probable. Can Orcs Must Die! repair your ravaged mind? Maybe not, but it can't hurt.