Author:
Simulacrum
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Date:
12/20/2012 10:02:08 AM
Subject:
RE: I'm calling it
You guys laugh, but the Mayans were very advanced. They built step pyramids over 100 feet high and made calendars with the power of math. Of course, any child today could build the same pyramids if he had enough slave power and the same degree of megalomania. Their calendar lost a day about every four or five years, which could have been fixed if they'd used fresh batteries. They also liked caves. And human sacrifice.
No one is sure exactly why they failed to conquer the world. It's popular to blame the Europeans, but they Mayans helped. Their city planning was a mess. They overhunted, had silly politics, and did other things that doomed them. Their biggest problem was not listening carefully enough to ancient astronauts, who would have given them warp drive technology if the Mayans had shared jars of their advanced mayonnaise. But Emperor Tikitskulkaka was a holdout. The astronauts abandoned them. Tikitskulkaka got sacrificed in a cave because the pyramid they were going to use had termites.
Of incidental interest: the sacrifice took place on the wrong day. They were going to do it on a Tuesday, but it was really Saturday. Probably the ancient astronauts came to realize that the mayonnaise was dangerously out of date.
