Author: johnny-g  <ytte>    75.114.222.176 Use this link if you want to link to this message and its entire thread of discussion. Post a Msg
Date: 7/2/2013 10:13:59 AM
Subject: My World War Z Review

Sim inspired me to go see it last night because what better way to spice up your boring work week than to do a MOVIE NIGHT ON A MONDAY!!! RIGHT!?

We picked up a friend and went to a completely new theater. This alone was a risk, because I assume any theater I haven't been to before will be full of obnoxious loud people. You know, the kind of people that laugh at inappropriate parts of the movie, or speak at unnecessarily loud decibel levels in order to be heard over the audio. Fortunately it was a Monday night so such a crowd probably wouldn't exist.

We walked into the theater and I was immediately intrigued by the architecture. If there is such a thing as reverse-stadium seating, this theater was a flawless example of it. Regardless of each ascending row of seats appearing to be slightly above eye level, I knew we were in for a treat just given the fact that we had to buy our tickets from the kid at the confection stand. Or maybe the ticket guy was on break and he was just pulling a fast one. The tickets were suspiciously printed on thin receipt paper with a marker indicating what theater we were in.

As we sat down to enjoy 45 minutes worth of Mazda commercials and sob stories about smokers who had their lungs removed, I was happy to see we were the only people in the theater. Then it happened. Another couple came in and sat directly behind us. In an empty theater. What was their motivation in this? I knew from the seating arrangements that half of my head occupied their view of the screen, so it made literally no sense. I spent the first 10 minutes of the movie trying to decipher why they would make such a choice. I've done stupid shit like this before... like at a restaurant where I can't decide between 3 or 4 really delicious looking things so I panic and order the mediterranean salad. Maybe there were so many open seat choices that the couple just suddenly found themselves going to the worst possible ones. It doesn't matter because once they sit down, we're all fucking locked in. At that point, anyone who relocates is directly insulting the others. At one point my girlfriend whispered, "Do you want to move?" and I was paralyzed with fear. She has no problem insulting strangers, but I couldn't bring myself to and now I had to respond when the people behind us could clearly hear us. I just politely held up some popcorn for her to snack on and smiled like an idiot.

The next 30 to 40 minutes of the movie all I could listen to was the people behind us eating popcorn. I didn't dare turn to look at them, but I was almost positive they were chewing with their mouths opened. To make matters worse, there was a box of candy in the equation. This resulted in what sounded like boulders crashing down a mountain side anytime they wanted to pour some into their stupid fat open mouths.

At one point I convinced myself to ignore them and just pay attention to the movie. I wasn't sure what was happening, but it looked like Brad Pitt was throwing live grenades around in a plane. Not surprisingly it blew up and killed everyone, and I'm still not sure what his motivation was. Fortunately, him and his bald one-handed girlfriend survived and then they found out they could defeat the zombies by giving everyone AIDS.

All in all, the movie was a 0/10. I would not recommend seeing it ever given the experience I had. It's completely ruined by the mouth breathers that will surely sit close to you as soon as you try to get into it.