Author:
Simulacrum
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Date:
12/17/2013 7:26:22 AM
Subject:
I guess I should go see the new Hobbit movie
I keep forgetting about it.
This is strange because a year before Fellowship of the Ring came out, I was pooping all over myself. Also, the first Hobbit movie has grown on me. It's a travesty, of course, but it has enough good stuff going for it that I don't mind watching it when it comes on DirecTV.
But isn't it a shame that I'm not pooping all over myself about it? How do you explain this? Better bowel regulation? No no. Not at all. It's 3D. I have developed an extreme aversion to 3D movies. I have never liked them. I don't like things popping into the foreground, and I don't like wearing those stupid glasses.
Back in the fifties, 3D failed as it deserved to. People didn't care about it. They were also annoyed by it. So Hollywood paid attention and stopped making 3D movies.
The new Hollywood reasons like this:
1. We're throwing money into 3D so people will go see 3D movies.
2. People will pay more to see 3D movies.
3. Oops. 3D is not going over as we hoped it would. Should we pay attention and stop making 3D movies?
4. No. We will keep making 3D movies and force people to get used to them. The public has no right to dictate what we do. They have no right to deprive us of money. They will pay what we want them to pay and see what we want them to see. The more they fight us, the more we'll beat them down until we get what we want.
5. This is how we sold Titanic. That worthless movie was horribly over-budget. We stood to lose our asses. But rather than slink away and lick our wounds, we marketed the crap out of that thing. We rammed it down the public's throats. There was no escape. Understanding the futility of not seeing Titanic (woe to the boy who would not take his girlfriend to see it 58 times), the public gave in. We subdued them.
6. 3D is Titanic. The public exists to throw money at us. If they resist, we will Titanic them to death. Die, public, die.
