Author:
Simulacrum
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Date:
1/13/2014 7:41:03 PM
Subject:
I've been thinking
I think it would be a good idea to mount a Bigfoot expedition.
I'm inspired by the various Bigfoot television shows, but I think they're going about the thing all wrong. The people who find Bigfoot are never looking for Bigfoot. They're always doing something else, like taking drunken walks because their girlfriends dumped them or fishing with explosives.
I think our expedition should appear to be totally uninterested in Bigfoot. It should be some seemingly aimless odyssey of discovery. Well, it can't be wholly aimless. The pretext could be finding the most famous muffler men or giant plaster dinosaurs. But in reality, it would be the most sophisticated and carefully orchestrated Bigfoot hunt ever undertaken.
I calculate that we will need to find the sites where people commonly report Bigfoot encounters. Then we will need to go in the opposite direction. Bigfoot has long departed those places.
We must go at right angles away from these places so that we can maintain our guise of innocence. Little will Bigfoot know that we will be carrying the most advanced Bigfoot gear available. I mean state-of-the-art stuff, like night vision goggles and recordings of purported Bigfoot mating calls.
No.
Bigfoot is onto that. We have to be doing something rednecks do. Or Indians. Whatever Indians do, we need to do that. Bigfoot regularly accosts Indians.
Anyway, I am open to your serious ideas. I know that Necro and th4t1guy very cordially invited me to join whatever drug-crazed crime spree they had going a few summers ago, but this is different. This has a purpose. This would be for science.
