Author:
Simulacrum
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Date:
11/8/2014 8:33:04 AM
Subject:
Final report of the ad hoc fruit cocktail committe
As the other members were unable to meet, the committee, lacking a quorum, could not propose or take action on any agenda items. It falls to me to offer the following report on the current state of the fruit cocktail experimental project:
Well, really, it's at something of a standstill. I never bought any more of the name brand cans, having decided that the store brand satisfactorily met all common fruit cocktail requirements. This does not mean that future brand name purchases are off the table, but in the absence of interest concerning the expense and record-keeping apparatus of the project, as well as the general public's lack of support and enthusiasm, the committee feels (as I must infer after receiving no suggestions to the contrary) that the best course at present is to continue buying the store brand until such time as circumstances precipitate a change.
We realize that, as a result of this decision, the scientific value of this project has, to everyone's great disappointment, been irretrievably compromised, but it cannot be helped. The fruit cocktail must flow.
Respectfully submitted 11.8.2014
Your servant, etc.
