Author:
Simulacrum
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Date:
5/29/2017 10:34:43 AM
Subject:
RE: Robbaz attacks the blimp
The other night, I played Dawnguard for a while. Sorry, but this DLC blows prodigious ass. It's one twisty hallway after another with occasional skeleton and gargoyle attacks.
The vampire chick I have as a companion has no personality whatsoever. She sounds like a bored college girl from Wisconsin. The only good thing about her is her combat magic.
Also, I have made it quite clear that I don't want to be a vampire, but the DLC constantly tries to nudge me in that direction. Most recently, the girl and I were about to enter some kind of Bioware void of the not-quite-dead or something, and I was told that I couldn't enter unless I became a vampire or let her trap my soul. The vampire option didn't seem to have a downside, but the soul-trap choice would reduce my stats. Apparently, if I go the vampire route, the Dawnguard will change me back with an easy fix. Hello? I don't want to be a vampire. That's why I joined the Dawnguard. And if they can fix me so easily, why are they so worked up about vampires in the first place?
Another thing: the whole mission is about finding three elder scrolls. We already have one, and the girl runs around with it strapped to her back. Let me see if I can explain how crazy this is. Elder scrolls are so mysterious and powerful that they're like dark matter. Yet we're looking around for them like they're someone's contact lenses. What happened to Bethesda?
I'll tell you: they replaced Ken Rolston with a bunch of mouthbreathers they found in some Maryland coffee shop -- or more like a coffee shop in Seattle or Portland, Oregon. Possibly Boulder, Colorado or Austin, Texas. I don't know -- someplace where the cops are hipster beatniks and the only thing you can buy in stores are bean sprouts. Whoever worked on this DLC has reached a toxic level of bean sprout consumption. I only hope I can fast-travel out of this castle so I can start the Dragonborn DLC, but I cringe at what they might have done to Solstheim.
