Author:
Simulacrum
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Date:
12/19/2018 9:13:54 AM
Subject:
RE: Should I see Mary Poppins Returns?
[Unnamed Intelligence Community Agency] Dossier on Mary Poppins
Name: Poppins, Mary
Aliases: That Woman, That Poppins Woman, 'Ere Merree Pawpins [attributed to bad pronunciation by Dick Van Dyke]
D.O.B.: Unknown
Country of Origin: Unknown
Distinguishing Dress: Edwardian blouses with modest trim, sensible shoes, Boater hats with minimal floral decoration, umbrellas, parasols, carpet bags
Skillset as follows:
1. alleged to fly or levitate
2. alleged to cause others to fly or levitate
3. alleged to alter molecular structure of surroundings
4. alleged to influence social outcomes
5. alleged to induce hallucinations (especially involving animated animals)
Associations:
1. Unable to determine connections with domestic or foreign actors of any kind
Modus Operandi:
1. Known to use chemicals as means of altering outcomes (see section titled "Sugar/Medicine" in Appendix C)
2. Consistently denies responsibility for altered outcomes by any means (e.g., refutes the existence of phenomena experienced by others, denouncing such phenomena as "stuff and nonsense")
3. Eludes observation by operatives (methodology unknown but appears to be associated with meteorological changes)
4. Aggressive capabilities unknown at this time, though history suggests a preference for cognitive manipulation over violent interdiction
Recommendations:
1. Continue operative observation; augment with satellite and heat-signature imagery
2. Exercise psychotropic countermeasures as defense against potential hallucinatory tactics
Imperatives:
1. Determine associations with anyone in current intelligence theater
2. Determine threats and stakeholders
3. Maintain clean and efficient domestic lifestyle; avoid weather anomalies; avoid airborne autumn debris (e.g. leaves)
