Author:
Simulacrum
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Date:
5/14/2010 6:55:27 AM
Subject:
RE: Quality oatmeal thread
I shall now enumerate the virtues of oatmeal.
First, it is meal. Proper meal is ground from excellent grains, the best fruits of the earth. It is not practical for men to eat the grain directly. We bring to bear our genius and invention in the grinding. Here the gifts of the earth come face to face with the wit of men. Who would fardles of oats bear? Those who would grind them and make the oats practical.
Second, it is made from oats. horses eat oats. Horses are known for their horse sense. It is this sense that preserves them from danger, unhealthy habits, and indignity. Go, therefore, and learn from the horse.
Third, the best oatmeal is made by Quakers. The members of this noble sect are renowned for their hard work, simple pleasures, and interesting hats. They also wear shoes with buckles. Like the horse, they are eminently sensible.
Fourth, oatmeal does not inspire interest in hip hop music or gangsta culture. Children who eat oatmeal do not wear gold bling or make incomprehensible gestures with their fingers or shoot people or drive around in cars with loud booming sound systems. They spend most of their time in libraries.
Gentlemen, I do not flinch in my belief that oatmeal is the breakfast that will rescue our malfunctioning nation from the brink of moral and economic disaster. If you have no oatmeal in your house, take action. Buy some today.
